In middle school, I quickly picked up on what a bad thing it was to be gay. It was thrown around as an insult constantly in conversation and being attracted to girls dominated the conversation as the norm in all of my male friend groups. I realized I was gay at a young age but grew up in a church that believed that same sex attraction was an abomination to God. So, I surpressed and prayed every night that my attraction would go away and that God would “heal me.” This, led me down a path of quickly losing my faith and my belief in God because of a belief in my mind that He had made a mistake when He had created me.

As time went on, my same-sex attraction grew and my desire to be in a committed, faithful, same-sex relationship did as well. But, because of the fear of coming out to homophobic members of my family and community, I looked to other dangerous options like conversion therapy. I reached out to many outlets and, in doing so, I finally received what I believe was my sign from God. Multiple friends of mine came out to me in the span of a few weeks, some of who are Christians as well. I told them they had my complete support, yet couldn't muster up the courage to love myself as God created me.

As my friends opened up to me, I clearly saw the pain that had been created in their stories. Something came over me, and I knew that the pain that the church’s view of same-sex relationships caused could not dominate the quality of my life. I came out, and in doing so, gave up my acceptance to the school of my dreams, Pepperdine, because of their ban on same-sex relationships, along with many other colleges. When I came out, my friends and mom rallied around me and supported me, despite the leaders and pastors voicing their support for conversion. I saw the impact it had, because as soon as I did it, more stories started pouring in and I saw the damage that had been done to the community through the churches stance. Afterwards, a youth counselor from my church continued to pursue the matter and pestered me warning me about the consequences that my identity would have. But, even in the conservative, small, religious town that I grew up in, this was no longer a political issue but an issue of humanism and the voices of affirmation were much louder than the opposition.

To finally accept myself, it took diligence of reading of scripture and studying the topic relentlessly, from reading Rachel Held Evans’ blog posts, Matthew Vines’ God and the Gay Christian, to The Liturgists’ LGBTQ podcast episode. Also, finding pastors and leaders who are affirming is crucial in finding inner acceptance. But, above all, interpretations and translations aside, it's always important to keep an eye open for what God is calling on you personally and how He is working in your heart. Relationships, both friendships and romantic, have been equally as important to me in my coming out story as I would not be out now if it weren't for my courageous friends.

My life has truly changed for the better since coming out. Despite not getting to go to a Christian school, I am at University of California Santa Cruz, an LGBTQ affirming school, and still share my story today to promote inclusivity in faith. I am playing tennis for UCSC and am majoring in Politics hoping to work in human rights. My story is constantly evolving, but I take great comfort in the fact that I now understand that God loves me for who I am, as He does all LGBTQ people.