I was raised Catholic, and never questioned my sexuality until my late 20's. I always assumed I would find a guy, though I was frustrated that I felt "behind" my peers in terms of relationships. When I would pray about this frustration, I felt God telling me to be patient. When I first started the process of coming out to myself around age 30, I went to adoration and really tried to pray on what God wanted for me. And finally, the message was crystal clear: "You're ready for this, you can do this, this is who I am calling you to be."

I have always been "liberal" in my beliefs and strongly supportive of LGBTQ+ rights, even before identifying myself in that group. I had never known anyone in my circle of friends who identified as both queer and Christian, and it seemed like the two were mutually exclusive. It was very frustrating for me and I think created a cognitive dissonance that played a large role in me repressing my sexuality and not coming to terms with it until later in life.

While I sometimes still struggle with balancing my queer Catholic identity, I have never doubted God's love for me and for the LGBTQ+ community. I believe that any relationship that is oriented toward love is sacred in God's eyes, as this is the greatest of all commandments. I have a brother who is a Catholic priest who has been supportive of me in my journey, and my sister is also gay, which has also helped me. Now it is so clear to me that part of what makes the queer Christian community so special is the way they embody the love of Jesus in their everyday lives.

I knew that I couldn’t be the only one walking this kind of tightrope between how to live as a queer Catholic, and so I started searching for answers. I read religion and philosophy books, which just reinforced my belief in the necessity of being true to herself. While hunting for resources, I came across the Tabard Inn podcast, which introduced me to the Vine & Fig community. It helped me feel a lot better, just to know that there’s people out there who feel that you can live fully as you are, that you can be fully Christian and fully queer and not have to choose.

Three weeks ago I proposed to the love of my life, who also happens to be Catholic. To be able to share my faith with her has been a dream come true. We both still struggle with our relationship with the Church, especially after the recent statement from the CDF regarding same-sex unions. It sometimes feels like we are in a toxic relationship with the Catholic Church; like the more they try to push us away, the more we try to cling to it. But regardless of what church we do or don't go to, we are confident in our love of God and our love of each other. I pray that the Christian community can make strides in my lifetime to be more welcoming to the LGBTQ+ community. I hope that my children can someday feel welcome in the Church knowing that their parents' love is respected and valued.