I became aware of my sexuality when I was 18 years old.

Early in my life, being gay was often the punch line of a terrible joke or a derogatory comment you could throw at someone. All of this built up to make me believe that being gay was a bad thing. On top of that, I became heavily involved with the CMA church when I was 17. They have pretty straightforward beliefs surrounding non-heteronormative sexualities. If you live outside of a married male-to-female relationship, you are in sin. That teaching compiled with my previous beliefs led to a very black and white view of sexuality and a harsh self-disgust with myself for struggling with being gay.

A few years ago, I grew a deep friendship with a Christian I admired and loved. She became a safe haven for me to talk freely about the conflict within me and who encouraged me to find true freedom. She introduced me to my current partner. My current partner waited for two years for me. She stood by me as a best friend, supporting the rollercoaster of hell that I rode through in losing my mom to cancer, losing my job. and reaching the lowest point of my mental health.

At that low point, I once again took a risk of opening up to another Christian I respected. They recommended the book How the Bible Actually Works (by Pete Enns) and it gave me hope that I would be able to reach a place of self-acceptance.

That book ultimately shaped the deconstruction of my faith and started the process of finding God and myself all over again. It opened my heart to live more authentically, to honor the depth of the emotional relationship I had with my best friend by asking her to be my girlfriend (P.S.—she said yes!), and to dive back into the adventure of discovering the Divine. Changing Our Mind by David Gushee and many of Glennon Doyle's podcasts and books played an instrumental role in shaping my new beliefs around sexuality.

My world shifted from black and white to discovering God in the grey. I’ve accepted myself as a person who doesn’t fit in boxes (and the idea that humans are not meant for boxes). I'm now happily married and have fully embraced my sexuality. My mental health is worlds better and so is my hope for the future.