Andy Rhodes

Unlike many LGBTQ+ people, I was a late bloomer in discovering my gay identity. I graduated high school in 1999 but can't remember if I had any inklings or thoughts then. I may have after never having dated and a friend came out as gay. I attended Houston Baptist University from 1999-2003 where the thoughts really became prevalent that I might be gay. I became addicted to pornography shortly before going to HBU and eventually, the straight porn went to solely gay porn. The thoughts increased but were pressed down because I was Baptist. I attended Sam Houston State University from 2003-2008. I started accepting that I was gay and had a non-sexual experience and started attending the LGBTQ+ organization on campus. But other than them, I pretty much kept it a secret. It wasn't until after college I 100% accepted being gay.

I was raised Southern Baptist and attended a Southern Baptist Church up until a few years ago. I grew up believing the Bible literally, and so I believed being gay was a sin. I didn't believe you went to Hell, but I thought it was a sin. I became conflicted though when I began having thoughts. I saw the way my dad reacted to flamboyant LGBTQ+ people on TV and in movies, so that kind of solidified the belief that being gay was gross and a sin. I believed you had to be 100% heterosexual and cisgender to not live in sin before a just/holy God.

My beliefs, personal theology, have drastically changed over time. While at SHSU and after college, I attended a Southern Baptist Church; however, my beliefs were beginning to change that maybe it was okay to be gay. But to everyone else, it was just "same-sex attraction”. I just didn't know any other denominations or churches. I was kind of sheltered in life. My theology/beliefs stagnated over time (about LGBTQ+ matters) and didn't really change until a few years ago. I began forming a pro-gay theology and began to realize God made LGBTQ+ people just as he made straight people. I began to love myself more and began to love God more. I began to see/believe that LGBTQ people were born this way and didn't have a choice to be their LGBTQ+ status. My belief in the Bible changed from seeing it as 100% Gospel and inerrant to more of being overall interpretative in different ways. It wasn't 100% black or white. I still believed the Bible was the Word of God and changed lives. I believed the original Bible is inerrant and without error. But I changed my belief to believe that as soon as the man touched the Bible, it started having translation and definition problems. I began to feel free with my changed beliefs. I began to more sympathetic/empathetic to other minority populations because being LGBTQ was a minority status. My overall theology became more progressive and less straight conservative. I realized God loved absolutely everyone and hated to send anyone to Hell and that we were ALL his children.

The Gay Christian Network (now Q Christian Fellowship) was very instrumental. It truly saved my life. In the process of accepting my sexuality, I was depressed and hopeless, and suicidal because I wanted God to love me. I knew my parents loved me but not God. So [QCF] was a God-send, literally. I can't remember how I found it. That first [QCF] conference I went to in Phoenix was very instrumental and helped me see the light. I also did a search for Gay Christian web sites and found a couple, but I can't remember their names. Justin Lee's Torn was also instrumental. Talking to other gay Christians I met and knew were a big help. Once I already accepted my sexuality, Matthew Vine's God and the Gay Christian solidified it even further. A couple of other books were Homosexianity and UNClobbered. I read a couple of biographies of conservative, Baptist pastors who believed as I did and then changed their beliefs as well. Straight, conservative pastors were more influential than gay theologians.

My life is a work in progress right now. My personal theology is still forming, I am still in the process of accepting myself. I have bipolar and anxiety, but accepting my sexuality has improved my depression and mental health (though my anxiety goes through the roof when I encounter new conservative people). My anxiety also increases every time I go to my new (church plant) Baptist church. I post some gay-related things on Facebook but am very careful. I've also lost a few Facebook friends but have tried to have a "no sweat" philosophy about that and the "dust them off your sandal" philosophy as Jesus taught us. I'm still single and kind of isolated concerning being around LGBTQ+ people. This is one reason I enjoy the Q Christian Conference so much. Concerning the Bible, I don't take things 100%, black and white any longer. I try to teach older people and others with conservative thoughts/theologies that the Bible is wrong, in man's terms, about homosexuals and other LGBTQ+ people. I've taken the mentality that many people aren't against LGBTQ+ people but are just wrongly informed and refuse to change their beliefs. My sexuality is confirmed and more unshakable now, but now I am questioning my gender and wonder if I'm 100% a cisgender male. Overall my life is freer, with less weight on my shoulders. I've also come to mourn less over the idea of marrying a woman in a big church wedding with 2.5 kids and a white picket fence around a big house. I've also realized and embraced the fact that I can have children and when I find the right man, we can have kids.