Although I didn’t have a full understanding or language for it, I knew I was different at a very early age. I admired and was attracted to feminine energy, but I was also attracted and gravitated to masculine energy as well. It wasn’t until I reached my teens that I realized what this meant. I wasn’t simply gay, but my sexuality was definitely fluid.

As early as I can remember, I was taught either directly or indirectly that being gay was not a good thing, and that a man being feminine or a woman being masculine was also unacceptable. It wasn’t even really cemented by Christian views more than it was asserted by social standards. So, in order to meet this standard, I worked very hard to never stray from what was expected. As I became a teenager and same-gender love became more acceptable in the media, my faith space was sure to teach against what they called “homosexuality”. This really impacted as I began to think something was wrong with me. That’s when I started to ask God to change me and worked hard to change my attraction through discipline, spending lots of time reading Scripture and praying for this “gay” to be taken away.

There came a point where I realized that trying so hard to be something I wasn’t was a miserable life. I was depressed, stressed, and felt so alone. After years of trying to change, seeking godly counsel, and letting everyone else’s voice lead my life except my own, I was fed up. My heart was broken because I felt rejected, but in that brokenness, something amazing happened. I surrendered what I thought was truth and asked God, “If you’re not going to take it away, please just show me why.” That’s when the unthinkable happened and God began to lead me down a path of acceptance that I never knew was possible.

My questions changed and thus the answers I began to find also changed. I began to find precious queer folks that have been doing the work of reclaiming their faith and reconciling it with their sexuality. I began to find extensive theological arguments for same-gender love, testimonies of revelations and encounters with God that affirmed LGBTQ+ people, and faith-filled couples who were living their truth and loving each other. One example is the testimony of SBC Pastor Danny Cortez and his son who came out. The revelation of love he shared moved me to literal tears as I received his acceptance of his son Drew as God’s acceptance of me. Another example is the love story of Dave and Tino. Their union has been a beautiful example of what’s possible, and their eventual book Modern Kinship is a staple in my home and relationship.

Today, I can truly say my life is blessed. More blessed than I ever could have imagined. I am currently a worship pastor in an affirming ministry called Powerhouse Global Network and making space for everyone seeking a spiritual inclusive community. My husband and I have been able to come out to our families and though that comes with its challenges, it has been worth it to walk in authenticity. We also have found a new calling as artists to create affirming, inclusive music that brings comfort and edification to those who are on their own journey. You can find our music on all streaming platforms.