Paula Stone Williams
From the time I was three or four years of age, I knew I was transgender. But I grew up in a fundamentalist family with a father who was a pastor and there was no way I could tell anyone, so I buried the truth. For decades, I buried it. But the call toward authenticity has all the subtlety of a smoke alarm, and eventually decisions have to be made.
After decades of futilely trying to be what everyone wanted me to be, I finally came out as transgender, and promptly lost every one of my jobs. I was the CEO of a large religious non-profit, the editor-at-large of a national magazine, and a megachurch preaching pastor. Within seven days of coming out, I lost every single one of my jobs. You can’t be fired in the United States for being LGBTQ+ – unless you work for a religious corporation. They have exemptions from civil rights laws.
My first four years after coming out were extremely difficult. I made more money in my last two months as Paul than I made in my first four years as Paula. I couldn’t find work and was ostracized by the denomination I had been a part of for my entire life. I had known thousands of people in that denomination. Since transitioning, I’ve heard from six of them. I had to start a whole new life.
The national president of PFLAG, Jean Hodges, was one of the first people who came to my rescue, introducing herself to me at a Boulder County PFLAG meeting. She gave me the friendship and strength I needed. Then came the good folks at Highlands Church and Denver Community Church, then QCF.
My first QCF conference was in 2016 in Houston, and it opened me up to the possibility of a future far beyond anything I had imagined. I found an entire world of faith-filled souls on a journey similar to mine, and I found the courage to move full-steam ahead.
Since that time, I’ve done four TED talks that have been viewed over 6 million times. I’ve spoken at hundreds of corporations, conferences, universities and government agencies all over the world on gender equity and LGBTQ+ rights. I’ve just finished a memoir, As A Woman – What I Learned about Power Sex and Patriarchy After I Transitioned. It will be published this spring by Simon & Schuster. But more satisfying than anything else is my work as a pastor at Left Hand Church in Boulder County, Colorado. Our church is three years old and has about 120 people, many of whom are refugees from evangelical megachurches. We started from scratch, with very limited funds, but we have been incredibly blessed with people who want to serve God with confidence and humility.
There comes a time in life when you just have to commit. I know that if I had not transitioned, I would have lived a life of quiet desperation. It took me five decades to find the courage to transition, but it was the most important decision I ever made.
Carl Jung said life is a short pause between two great mysteries. But here is the thing. You are the only one who gets to decide how to live that life. No one else can do it for you. You have to be the one to decide whether or not you truly show up for life.
Living authentically is the only path to true peace and purpose. All of us who dare to live authentically share the reward of living a life that is open, transparent, and whole. We learn that on the far side of conflict and despair, there is abiding peace. We also learn that we are never alone in these things, never. There are fellow-travelers on the journey. That is one of the reasons I love QCF. It is a community of precious souls who come along side us, as we travel through the dark night, all the way to dawn.
The call toward authenticity is sacred, and holy, and for the greater good. And I am here to tell you, it is worth it. It is truly worth it.